I have never seen a duller brown

I usually like taking the bus, despite the bitter cold and long wait for my bus (it's always the last one, about half-an-hour late), but the one thing I try to avoid is that guy. I forgot his name; it really doesn't matter, either, so he's "that guy".

I had suspected before that guy had a crush on me. I was disgusted, and thus pushed the thought out of my mind. If I was going to go straight, it wouldn't be for the likes of him! He's not that short, but is stout and husky. He has a face I suspect even his mother was surprised at and dull brown eyes. He has a twin brother who is about a million times better-looking than him, and I understand why that guy's brother pretends not to even know him. He describes himself as the "fun-loving party-goer" and his brother as the "boring studious one".

It's actually more like this: that guy is the "one who has the ability to be incredibly annoying at all times just by existing" and his brother is the "studious, well-behaved one who has done nothing to deserve the curse of his brother, and has possibly been ostracized by others just by being related to that irritant".

I know it sounds really harsh, but I can't think of anyone who likes that guy. And I don't feel sorry for him, because he really is that annoying.

At any rate, after Josh's bus left (and thus, his friend Alex's hat, which he was lending me because I was cold and had been using Josh's arm as a source of warmth) I went over to talk to Casey and Nellie. Unfortunately, that guy was there too. Casey began encouraging me to kick his ass, and I decided to, literally. I eventually managed to hit my target. (Though it was probably the least well-executed, wimpiest kick I have ever given in my life.)

He looked back in surprise and said: "Oh man, I though you pinched my butt!"

HOW DISGUSTING! If I ever pinched his butt, even accidentally, I would have to have my hands amputated.

I then replied: "I'm never going to lay my hands on anyone's ass other than Rachel's."

He looked a bit confused, mumbled something, and then, in consternation:

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

I looked at him in disgust and exasperation: "No, I have a girlfriend."

"You should get a boyfriend."

Is he hitting on me? There is so much wrong about this!

"Penises are gross. Seriously, I hate them. I plan never to volunatarily look at visual depictions of penises, nor do I ever want to be affiliated with them. Besides that fact, I have an absolutely amazing girlfriend."

"You should get a boyfriend."

What the fuck! How amazingly annoying! Is this boy even in possession of a brain?

"Um... no. I'm perfectly happy with my girlfriend. I doubt anyone could make me happier than she."

Then the bus came. (Thank God.)

During a conversation Casey, Nellie and I were having about eyes, he insisted that he had "mood-ring eyes" ("You can tell what kind of day I'm having by the color of my eyes!").

I don't think I neglected to mention that I have never seem a duller brown.