Watching someone die from afar

This morning my uncle called while I was brushing my teeth. My brother kept peering past the doorway until I was done, and then gave me the phone.

Conversation started out fairly normal; cheerful, even, but within a minute or two we got down to business. I could hear the sadness in my uncle's voice, but he was trying his best to sound normal and casual about the whole thing.

"Cara's getting rid of a lot of her clothes," he said to me. "Most of them are really nice, so I was wondering if you'd like some of them."

I said I would be happy to receive some of her clothing.

"What dress size are you? Do you like boots?" He asked me. I didn't know my dress size.

I felt so sad for my uncle; to anyone else, he wouldn't sound quite so depressed, but I could tell that he was. His daughter is dying and he's calling people up to ask them if they want her clothing, because she knows that she won't have much use for them in a short while. I can't think of a more depressing situation than that.

Ever since I got older, my cousin's been cordial to me, but around 9 or 10 I lost the feeling of her really loving me. This is the age at which your relatives stop caring, and it goes on until you're about 20.

I want to talk to her so badly, but she doesn't want to be bothered by anyone outside her immediate family, it seems. Though, it might just be my family. We always seem so terribly out of place with them.

I just picture myself holding her and crying into her chest. I want to tell her "I love you," and have it mean something.

"Do you wear leather?" my uncle asks.

"Well, I might," I reply, feeling a little awkward.

"In what situation would you wear it? The leather I'm talking about it a rather nice waistcoat," he responds, consternation lacing his tone.

"I don't know... it would depend on the style of the coat. I'd know once I saw it," I say.

He goes on to try and describe the coat to me, and I stop him; "I probably wouldn't end up wearing it that much, actually, even if I did like it. I'm sure there are other people who would wear it more than I," I say hurriedly. I would feel horrible if any of Cara's possessions just ended up in a closet, and I'm sure that would be the fate of a nice coat like that when put in my care.